Be the change, and make it underwear.

Don't tell anyone, but I am the worst shopper in the history of mall shopping. To avoid it, I hit the internet, where my "Shopping Cart" drifted off somewhere and was no doubt taken to the checkout by someone else. So I had to start over. Rolling through the underwear department, I noticed the choices are dangerously slim for someone like me who is no longer single digit. Thong? Wrong. Boy? Right. I'd look like a manatee squeezing into a sausage casing. Come on, people. Work with me, the former gymnast mourning the loss of an hourglass figure gone hour-long buffet. Bikini low? How about Bikini-High-Gut-Tuck?

Open your heart to love and your mouth to chocolate.

Just so you don't think I've got some sugar problem - I'm visiting Sweets Etc. in Multnomah Village today to do a taste test...for my customers. I swear! I'm giving them treats this year, so don't tell them. My new psychic, the Magic 8 balls, says: "Definitely Yes," they'll love it. Sweets Etc. (7828 SW Capitol Hwy. Multnomah Village) rock candies my world. Tricia, the owner, handcrafts truffles and other chocolate delights in vintage jewelry showcases. She's got it all - ice cream, fudge, Swedish fish and surprises, like carmel-encased marshmallows and espresso malt balls. In the window: a chocolate Santa the size of my four-year-old. Tricia's raffling him off for charity. Would it scar my kids for life if I told them, Sorry, kids, Mommy ate Santa.

My happy place relocated

Why, hello. My name is Jacki. I a mom of two small children who runs a greeting card business called Sass Mouth Cards (www.sassmouth.com) and a retail design firm (www.foundry3d.com). The cards are funny, but not selling right now. No really, I even tried to give them away and stores wouldn't take them. And I thought getting rejected from selling a book was bad. Now, the cards are getting the boot? It's making me wonder why I chose writing as a profession. I should have been a firefighter. Do they show up at a burning house and get turned away because their engine isn't red enough? 

Anyway, if you visit again, I'll be in a much better mood. I swear. And I'll give you something - my take on daily affirmations. Why? Because I can't help it, that's why. They're so easy to have fun with. Have yourself a nice day, with 55% less rejection.