Saturday, November 29, 2008

Become one with calories. Harness their destructive power.

We were walking around downtown Bend, Oregon, yesterday when we spotted a full-on, old-time candy store called Powell's Sweet Shoppe. (If you're from Portland, you're probably wondering how they can call it that- maybe because there wasn't a book in sight.) Candy is everywhere. Candy you see all the time and some you haven't seen since you were like born, like the ancient Sky Bar. Blow-molded dispensers of every color of M&Ms. I had to stop myself from emptying one straight into my pie hole. Towers with lollipops jutting out everywhere - we might as well have strapped feed bags filled with sugar to each child. One kid walks out with two pounds of jelly beans; the other one has a heart-shaped lollipop bigger than Saturn. My husband Brian opts for some nasty food-flavored jelly beans, like popcorn. I left with nothing! That's right, I went to Starbucks and sucked down some espresso latte thing that probably cost me more calories than all the jelly beans and lollipops combined. Good thing we didn't pig out on Thanksgiving.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Look radiant even if you feel radial.

Sturkies find going to the store this time of year challenging. Here's how it goes at the deli counter:

Me: "Hi, I'm here to pick up my turkey."

Deli guy: "Last name?"

Me: "Sturkie."

Deli guy: "You're kidding, right?"

Me: "No, I'm here to pick up my turkey for Sturkie."

Deli guy: (Collapses behind counter laughing) "Mind if I put this over the loud speaker?"

This year, I've skirted the "turkey for Sturkie" issue and pulled a ready made ham out of the cooler. So there! That's one less tradition we have to worry about. Hope you enjoy all your traditions. Have a swell Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 24, 2008

My happy place relocated. Again.

When did Starbucks become the library and the library become Starbucks? Walk into the library with two fired up kids, no one looks up. Try Starbucks and you'll get twenty pairs of stink eyes peering at you over their lattes. Okay, maybe house blends. Lattes are expensive. But anyway, I've finally found the best of both worlds - Airplay Cafe. It's a little bit rompy; it's a little bit rock n' roll. Perfect. Cereal grab bags for the kids; espresso or pints for parents. Kid entertainment during the day; parental events at night. 

Saturday, I took my little girl to a playdate there with a friend and her mom. There were loads of parents there getting the breakfast on and kids jumping on these big orange bean bag things. We missed the music portion of the entertainment, but that didn't stop my kid and her friend. Soon, they jumped on the stage and became the entertainment. (Check out the end table turned bongo.) Meanwhile, I sat there with my friend sipping tea and having an actual conversation about turkeys. I'd like to spend every Saturday morning like that.

Here's the 411: Airplay Cafe, 701 E. Burnside (down the street from Hippo). There's an actual parking lot too. 503.808.7908. That's Patti, the owner up there working the steam. Get on her e-mailing list rocks because there's always something going on in there. 

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Let your life unfold, not laundry.

Today, I'm facing five baskets of laundry I spent all day doing yesterday. Now there's folding, sorting for four people, you know the drill. My theory is that laundry is sexually active. I find homes for each article of clothing, only to discover more spring up in the basket. Shirts, socks, skivvies - they might as well be horny little bunnies. Why does that make me angry? Because laundry gets more action than I do. 

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Embrace the light, even if it's fluorescent.

The sun is out, and I just got invited to participate in a holiday trunk show. Perfect timing because Brian (my man) and I are getting ready to sell custom-designed olive picks. Why olive picks? One year, I got invited to this swanky holiday party in Atlanta swirling with martinis and cigar smoke. So I tip back my martini, get the olive toothpick stuck on my lip and douse everyone with extra-chilled vodka. Oh yeah, I'm cool. Ten years later, Brian designs an olive pick that doesn't swim in the glass - it stays put. It's brushed metal and looks like architecture on the glass. Now if he could only design something to make me regain my mojo.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My happy place relocated

Why, hello. My name is Jacki. I a mom of two small children who runs a greeting card business called Sass Mouth Cards ( and a retail design firm ( The cards are funny, but not selling right now. No really, I even tried to give them away and stores wouldn't take them. And I thought getting rejected from selling a book was bad. Now, the cards are getting the boot? It's making me wonder why I chose writing as a profession. I should have been a firefighter. Do they show up at a burning house and get turned away because their engine isn't red enough? 

Anyway, if you visit again, I'll be in a much better mood. I swear. And I'll give you something - my take on daily affirmations. Why? Because I can't help it, that's why. They're so easy to have fun with. Have yourself a nice day, with 55% less rejection.