Keep your moon in the right house before it offends someone

Suddenly, my four-year-old is mooning everybody. "Look at my butt!" she squeals while exposing her little bottom to nearly anyone. "That is your private area," we tell her. "You can do that at home, not in public." Well, we shouldn't have said that. Many moons later, we're all pretty tired of seeing her little buns. "Can I show you my underwear then?" Great. Now the moon is peeking at us behind Curious George and Tinkerbell. I should be happy she wears underwear at all. When she was potty training, she refused. One day, my printer jammed. When I opened it, I discovered six pairs of Dora the Explorer underpanties stuffed into the paper tray. She showed me, alright. With her newfound exhibitionist tendencies, she's really showing me. Of course, just when I need it most, the real moon is covered up by clouds.

Look radiant even if you feel radial.

Sturkies find going to the store this time of year challenging. Here's how it goes at the deli counter:

Me: "Hi, I'm here to pick up my turkey."

Deli guy: "Last name?"

Me: "Sturkie."

Deli guy: "You're kidding, right?"

Me: "No, I'm here to pick up my turkey for Sturkie."

Deli guy: (Collapses behind counter laughing) "Mind if I put this over the loud speaker?"

This year, I've skirted the "turkey for Sturkie" issue and pulled a ready made ham out of the cooler. So there! That's one less tradition we have to worry about. Hope you enjoy all your traditions. Have a swell Thanksgiving!

Let your life unfold, not laundry.

Today, I'm facing five baskets of laundry I spent all day doing yesterday. Now there's folding, sorting for four people, you know the drill. My theory is that laundry is sexually active. I find homes for each article of clothing, only to discover more spring up in the basket. Shirts, socks, skivvies - they might as well be horny little bunnies. Why does that make me angry? Because laundry gets more action than I do.